New Year Resolutions: here’s why I don’t think you should indulge in New Year goal setting - JH Coaching
Do you partake in New Year goal setting? It’s very tempting to and lots of people do create them. Back in 2020 Forbes reported that over 40% of American’s were planning to set some New Year resolutions. I understand the popularity of New Year resolutions as the New Year feels like a blank slate, that new page in a new notebook. The new year feels like a space to make change, a place untouched by the past, a bright and hopeful place where you can be whatever you want to be unfettered by any problems or complications the ‘old you’ might have experienced. It’s a time of celebration and general newness, the fairy lights of Christmas lending a beautiful glow to the whole period. However, there are problems associated with goal setting at this part of the year; starting each year as though the last one didn’t exist isn’t realistic, I imagine most people don’t quite see it as black and white as this but as beginnings are always intrinsically linked to endings, it seems short-termism to ignore the prior year.
New Year – New You
There is quite a lot wrong with that statement, I’ll pick that up later but firstly I think we all realise that whilst the sentiment is catchy it certainly isn’t the truth, the ticking of a second hand heralding a new day and year doesn’t really change us. Even in our stories such as Cinderella the striking of the clock brings a reversal to who she was before. Seemingly, even according to Disney we can’t ignore who we were, that version of ourselves follows us into the next year plus all the baggage associated with it!
Our calendar moves forward in a very predictable manner, but we rarely move forward in such a uniform manner. Often, we feel tethered to some situation, person, or past moment in time which we revisit constantly until we can move forward – the new year doesn’t fix this. In William Bridge’s book ‘Transitions’ he says
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Every beginning starts with an ending
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If you think back through your life, you will be able to see moments of new beginning’s where you weren’t quite as happy as you imaged you would be. I think moving house is a great example for me, we moved house a few years ago, we made the decision to move based on sound logical information, we needed more space as we’d just had our two youngest children. The house we’d moved to fulfilled the criteria we’d set out and offered the space we wanted. In theory, it was everything we wanted. When we moved, I found I was sad, I missed my old house, it was warm, and thanks to the sneaky extra set of twins I’d given birth to, cosy. It was full of memories, fun and good times and in comparison, the new house felt cold and empty. So, what went wrong? I guess, in the epic effort it took us to move house with 4 young children and associated moving stresses I hadn’t given any thought to the ending, only the new beginning.
So how does this help us with New Year Resolutions? To me the message is clear, the new you can only happen if you have come to terms with the old you.
The neutral zone
I don’t really make resolutions, I can’t make plans in January, it’s too close to Christmas it’s been too busy and I’m not in the frame of mind for it. It’s like starting a diet on the 1st of January when you still have mince pies, chocolates and party food in to eat. For me the Christmas hangover is too great and I prefer to spend January thinking, planning and use February as the start of my year. It doesn’t mean January is a free month; I spend January reflecting, collecting information, sourcing resources, and creating my goals. This thinking time is what William Bridges terms ‘the neutral zone’ a time where nothing is done but everything happens. A space you allow yourself to think, reflect and just sit still with your endings and associated feelings. Whilst it sounds a little abstract, it’s the time we need to process what has happened and to try to pick out what we’ve learnt and how that might shape our future. By not diving straight into goal setting, simply because it’s New Year, I’ve given myself time to acknowledge the previous year and allowed myself the opportunity to contemplate how I want that to influence the new year. Whilst the neutral zone isn’t a well-known term, I think we all create it quite instinctively. My February new year is a happy accident created purely because of how I felt rather than something I created. I imagine if you think about your own life, you can pinpoint moments where you withdrew from life a little or became a little quieter whilst you dealt with a change in your life. By acknowledging the neutral zone, we allow time for us to assess the present by understanding the past. Bypassing this process means we might decide to pursue something we don’t want.
One thing I work with clients when they set goals is being clear why you want to achieve something, what is your purpose, does this goal reflect who you are now and where you want to be or is it based on a past version of yourself or even what someone else wants. I think the neutral zone is a great place for this kind of self-reflection to take place.
Myth – New Year is the only opportunity for goal setting.
It's not uncommon for people to wait until the New Year to set goals and make resolutions, there is so much chatter and noise on social media and in advertising. So many of our apps offer us a ‘round up’ of the previous year, photo’s we’ve taken, songs we’ve listened to all generating this false feeling of closure. The problem with this mindset is it can create a false sense of urgency and maybe even limit the potential for growth throughout the rest of the year. There is a danger by focusing solely on annual changes, you may miss out on opportunities of the small, daily actions that create real change.
Endings and beginnings instinctively make us reflect and consider growth and change but change is also engineered and driven by what society expects especially at this time of the year. My personal view is that planning, and goal setting is a positive thing to do at any time however it needs to be done because the output is wanted, not just because it’s expected. Change is an agreement with yourself that requires energy, focus, flexibility, and reflection; it’s a difficult thing to uphold if you don’t set yourself up for success.
Why do so many resolutions end in failure?
The company Strava analysed over 800 million activities logged in January 2019 and found that most likely day for people to give up their resolutions was January 17th. They unfairly coined it ‘quitters day’, I think I prefer to think of it as ‘the day ill prepared people decided to stop their new year resolutions and take some time to make a better choice’ which is possibly more accurate but definitely less catchy!
Making change relying on will power only is a recipe for failure and New Year resolutions often fall into this category. Making effective and successful change requires a strategy. It takes time to work out the correct strategy for each individual change. For example, could you piggyback on a habit you already have, do you need to replace an action with another one. Do you need additional resources? More training, extra help, or accountability, do you even want to make the change?
Additionally, setting unrealistic goals for the new year can lead to disappointment and discouragement when they are not achieved. Instead, it's important to shift the focus to consistent and sustainable self-improvement, recognizing that growth and progress can happen at any time, not just at the start of a new year. Some ways to promote continuous self-improvement include setting small achievable goals, tracking progress, and seeking support and accountability from others. By adopting a growth mindset and embracing self-improvement as a lifelong journey, individuals can unlock their full potential and live a more fulfilling life.
No new you
If you don’t want to make plans for next year, don’t worry, that's ok, you are just perfect as you already are. If this year has left you unwilling or unable to consider what you’d like to change next year that’s ok, sometimes there is no energy for change, no headspace to think or times when simply living and managing is enough.
Why not try acknowledging the progress you’ve made last year? It may not quite be what you envisaged but you may have maintained your position in the face of adversity, and it should not only be recognised but celebrated! We are all so very keen to move forward that we often to forget to pat ourselves on the back for what we’ve already achieved.
In conclusion
So, what action can you take? If you want to still use the New Year to set goals, maybe use January as an opportunity to think, don’t rush into making quick decisions and plans unless you are sure you have everything you need to support your change. Challenge yourself to think about not only what change you want but why you want it. Try asking:
- What will happen when you achieve it.
- What do you need for success?
If you are feeling stuck or on the edge of change but just aren’t sure which direction to take, then maybe coaching would work for you. I offer 1-1 coaching either face to face or online with a free exploration call. Click here to find out more.